The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Hopelessness and worthlessness: My search for a job

Let me say first and foremost that my thoughts and prayers are with those affected by the tsunami in Japan. Lately I had have my own personal tsunami of the soul.

  I can't believe I'm still jobless after all the apps and interviews I put in. I made a job out of lookng for a job. On top of everything else,  keep an eye on my elderly mom, and it's not easy to live w/her.I get preached to daily,and she thinks I am listening to the devil. She doesn't think I'll get anything...."nice mother!" Employers put people through more than one interview these days. Even fast food places have turned me down.
The rejection got to be so much when I got a call from a boating supply store that I had a major meltdown. My poor bff still stuck w/me as  I cried and went through the gamut of emotions. She deserves an award.

I feel like I'm not gonna have a life until I'm working. Life has kinda been put on hold for a couple of years, of course except for last year when I took part in a somewhat wild lifestyle.  Even then I was stifled.
I left my husband and moved in w/my mother three years ago. I wonder if it was a mistake. I had a job and during a nervous breakdown after leaving him quit that job because they reduced my pay. Never mind that I won a contest for the most charity donations that I got from customers.

So here I am three years later. I had some temp work in November, but the assignment abruptly ended. I signed up with a new agency that has told me I'll possibly have work next week. So I have  hope, the proverbial "grain of mustard seed" type hope, but hope nevertheless. Thoughts ran through my mind of compromising myself for money. I would truly hate myself I believe.

Putting in a few apps today at a resturant and a pub. Yes a pub. I must do what I can to earn a living. Till next time..