The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Ex "Daddy's Little Girl"

Another post about my father. I could never have foreseen then as a little girl what I know now.
 I was crazy about my dad when I was little, so much that I wanted my mom to stay away from him, lol. While my mom was taking care of my infant brother, dad used to show me off to his co-workers at the weather service which was then located at the top of the Knoxville Tennessee airport. He would take me to the roof to watch the planes take off. I fell in love with what  thought was a glamourous profession, being a flight attendant. I was not even 5 years old mind you. I used to to say the word "suspicious" because I thought it was a glamourous word. My parents had no idea.*laughs*.
  Dad also used to sit me on his knee when I was a child in front of the mirror. Something I find rather weird now. He would say "You and I look alike Suzanne, look at our faces in the mirror" I didn't see it, but I was a five year old child. Dad was the oldest child with a little brother like myself. His brother worked for Gulf oil like my grandaddy.
  Mom told me how when I was grown that Dad used to burn with anger and resentment towards my uncle. She said "I told your father he was gonna do the same thing his father did if he didn't forgive him." She was right. She had become a "Born again fundamentalist Christian" but she was right. And she said these things because of the resentment and anger that I keep taking back. I believe even the most picture perfect of families have some dysfunction, but after my parents divorced it got even crazier. Dad had been drinking during the separation, sending mom to the art room to sleep in while she let dad keep the master bedroom. Mom was a passive woman with a manic Jesus addiction. She had seen demons around my father when he was cheating on her. And she was the oldest daughter of her Lebanese muslim father, subserviant to men. How she lived showed me how not to live, but that's another story.*laughs* The scary thing is that I'm NOT making this up. Till next time folks...