The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Time for changes

  I feel like I'm at life's turnstyle right now. I'm on my 5th day sober. It's life or death now. If I drink anymore there is one thing I can be certain of: Jails, institutions and death. The twelve step program I belong to doesn't sugarcoat addiction.
  I have been here in Winder for almost three years now.  I suffer from a painful condition called Fibromyalgia. I began to self medicate for the pain somewhere along the line with alcohol. I discovered parts of myself I couldn't face sober. Somewhere along the line I realized what I really didn't want as well as what I did.
  It's not all terrible though. I made some very good friends, friends who became afraid I was gonna die or lose my marbles. I don't want to be one of those statistics. For once I now have hope in my life.
  I saw something that caught my eye yesterday, a woman, older than me, a bitter looking older woman with a huge bottle of "Night Train" wine and a 12-pack of beer in line behind me at the corner store. Alcohol, bitterness, and a slovenly appearance. That could be me were I to survive the next year still in embibment.
  It's time for personal growth. That higher power the program tells about I believe the whole time was saying "put the alcohol down" or you will go no further. It took almost dying from alcohol poisoning to teach me the difficult way.
  One other things certain : If I can't take care of myself how can I take care of others? I turned to alcohol from March of 2009 to now. On and off, not every single day. But it ended up that way. I am fearing organ damage and rapid aging. Healthy fears. Time for growth, time to stand up straight and heal my broken wing.
  Till the next time.....