The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Monday, May 2, 2011

Acceptance ...My diagnosis

A bomb was dropped on me last week.  found out that I have Bipolar 2 disorder, the lesser form of the disease, Instead of freaking out a strange peace crept over me. Everything made sense. The extreme moods, the "dark side" that would come over me....since late childhood, thru my teens, and into adulthood.
  And a painful reality of the me that grew to self hate, not understanding..why I self medicated to control these moods.....
  And how my friendship w/one of my besties was narly totally destroyed by my dark moods.
 As I write this, I'm in tears. Someone who was there for me through every twist and every turn in just about  the past few months up to about a week now afraid of me. Or my moods. One or the other. Or maybe both.
I grew progressively worse after I knew where I was moving. I know I am responsible for my actions. I thank God the shrink doc knew what was wrong. I not only needed a light mood stabilizer that also controls my fibro pain, but a medication for the Bipolar depression. And they gave it to me. I felt a small wave of relief. I'm grateful I'm not a Scientologist.
  So now I have been on the new medication for 5 days and I'm already feeling different. It takes a week or so to really begin to sink in. But there's a sadness. I miss my bestie. I can't blame her for feeling the way she does. I began to totally turn into a different person than the Suze I am usually. Thank God celebs like Catherine Zeta-Jones have put a face on the disease and are attempting to play a part in educating the masses about this "more common thhn you would think" disorder. After Catherine's husband Michael Douglas was diagnosed with cancer, the stress from the ordeal escalated her condition. The shame needs to be wiped away. Below is a link from the Wikipedia on the condition. I'm also going to therapy and continue to go to my 12 step group. I hope I have been able in a small way to help someone or more than one by disclosing this. I'm no celebrity, but as one person I count.

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