The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Monday, February 21, 2011

Old relationships part 1
Some of the relationships that I have been in are what shaped my life up to now. But this one was the very worst. I met Mark at Sam'sWarehouse club when I was working there as a cashier.veryone called him "Psycho Mark" And this is the rock and roll appearance I was attracted to. He was sexy to me because of his Axl Rose type appearance. Except he had a mullet. I hate mullets, but then in 1992 Georgians still thought that was attractive.
  One think I gotta say about this relationship was it lasted too long because I let it last. I left Sam's and started workng for Rich's/Macy's. Mark was a very nice guy in the beginning. We went to see Metallica and began living together. Then he began to change along the way. He started becoming abusive, and when you don't have much self esteem to began with from the get go, listening to verbal abuse, when heard enough, starts being believed. He used to throw me up against the wall, telling me I'm worthless, and sometimes he would choke me for a second or too. This is not intended as entertainment it's about abuse. I want to help empower women. If I can in a small way I will. It almost sounds like a scene in Revenge Of The Sith, except I'm alive to tell about it. Sometimes he would shove me into the wall, leaving me bruised.  No punchng, but some slapping and he slapped hard. I posted this video because he sang this. Maybe it will do some good  to those still trapped.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Phallic Frontal Assault of Oscar Meyer on Twitter

One thing I learned when I was lost and making mistakes on a now defunct Twitter account, was finding out what kind of responses I was gonna get from the dregs of male society. It wasn't rocket science, posting pictures of yourself less clothed invites males and self proclaimed "Doms" to send DM pictures of their "manhood". I saw way too much.  I was not impressed. Where are the good ones? With their wives and they don't have the time. Sensitive poetic men with souls? Not on twitter, and if they are, they are busy with better things. Primitive neanderthals?Yep that's what I got, idiots who thought they were worthy. I began to see nothing but a sea full of cocked weiners shaped liked guns, with 2 sacks of ammunition hanging below. Bloody insanity.  Almost getting raped and Iwas injured. I went to the hospital after 1 "date" . Men, you want to impress a woman? Be a real man, not some lame picture of your stiff family jewels, I'm not impressed. And if you start bothering me, the block button is a click away.
 Telling me you are gonna do to me? Fuck that. I've learned by my mistakes and taking control of my life. And I'm staying sober. Learning to empower myself with the help of my program and the 12 steps. My beloved friends too are very dear to me. And if I get flirty it's not an invitation to get vile and disgusting. I have friends, male and female, that respect me. I'm looking ahead now, not backward. The sea of life is getting easier to navigate and I'm the captain of a once sinkworthy ship.
  A man has to be soulful and kind to me, that's what I consider sexy. And I'm not against looking for those qualities in a woman either. As Popeye says "I am'z what I am'z" and I know what I want now.
Till next time.....

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Approach With Extreme Caution

The past several weeks have been physically difficult. This blog entry isn't being written to whine and complain, but to reaffirm that I have got to be careful with the medicine I'm taking for the back pain I've been having.
 I have an addictive personality and I could use many examples: Twitter, cigarettes ,good food, shopping when financially able, Twilight (not a bad one)...and alcohol, which I have been abstinent from for over a month now. Had my second visit to the ER yesterday because the pain got worse.And I don't exggerate, it's been intensely painful.  Living with an elderly mother who can't lift much lead to my  lifting some heavy garbage bags full of trash.  The pain got worse to where I was beginning to think the doctor at my last visit was missing something.
 Anyhow I was prescribed narcotic pain mediation and a muscle relaxer. My first dose of both took the edge off the pain and helped me relax. A larger dose would have made me high as a kite. I'm just saying that it is possible to change if you put forth that effort one day at a time. My sponsor told me to journal each dose and track it. Which I have successfully endeavored so far.
Till next time....