The proverbial you-know-what

The proverbial you-know-what

Monday, January 24, 2011

"Sweet" November

I'm somewhat nervous writing about this. But I am what I am. Bisexual. There I said it. I almost for a time thought I was gay but being a Twilight fan still being crazy about handsome vampires after this experience made me realize that wasn't the case. *laughs*
Sharon (not her real name), was someone I found on a dating site. She wanted to meet me for coffee or to get dinner out. I finally agreed to a local cafe famous for their wings. She was very pretty in her picture, and I thought I wasn't gonna pass muster myself when she saw me.
 I walked into the cafe and immediately recognized her. She was beautiful to me. Had cat eyes, very mesmerizing cat eyes. We hit it off, I was self conscious because I just had to have a smoke. She was a trooper and stood outside while I puffed on one. After dinner she told me she wanted to see me again. Told me I reminded her of the lead singer of a band called "Jack off Jill".
In the days that ensued she and I texted and talked on the phone. She told me I need to work asap, as she wanted me to be her wife one day.
WHOA. Her wife? Hmmmm, that was pretty quick. She was independent and had plenty of money, me.... I was and still am rebuilding my life after a bad divorce.
But I had fallen so fast. Sharon was very different, like none other I had seen. She had a 4x4 Jeep Cherokee  and a sports car in storage. Plus 5 guns.  She let me hold one, and showed me how to fire it. It was loaded! I was so nervous even touching a gun. She knew how to take a gun apart and is a registered gunsmith, I saw her permit. She liked camping in the woods and I never hardly camped. I began to realize it wouldn't work but I was mesmerized. I wanted to get her into the bed. But how, with my living with my mother and herself, having to bide by her roommates wishes not to have dates?
 Then the day came. She paid for a room and I had paid for dinner that November night. We got situated in the room. She was beautiful is all I'm going to say. Feeling her body pressed up against mine was sweetly sensual. She had one large tattoo covering her entire back. She told me of the days as a goth model, and I still have the pictures. Can't quite delete them yet. Her lips were sweet against mine when we kissed. I never wanted to stop.  Such sweetness and we slept in each other's arms. Spooning in ecstasy....and no sex, we just held each other tight all night.
The next day we spent half of together. Walking through the mall, she locked arms with mine. I had never showed that other half in public, it was a strange experience, but I enjoyed it too. She told me about the whole storage unit having a bunch of dehydated food in case of famine. She had guns stored like the Terminator. Suddenly I realized that something was weird here. She was strong, she put her endurance to the test like a man, and until I saw for sure she wasn't, thought she was a man in drag, albeit a beautiful one.She demanded a lot of people, she believed that a war was coming to America and she was gonna have to move to the very rural areas to survive. It just wasn't in the cards for us to last. Another date or two, and I was perfect for her in one way, and not so perfect in another. I drank over losing her, but I realized I never would have been happy. I didn't know who I was, how could I be?
Sharon left me with an oddly sweet haunting memory, she was the most bizarre and unusual person I had ever met, but she was very strange. Perhaps the escape into her world was something I needed at the time. She told me she didn't like what I had done on my now defunct alternate Twitter account and that I should respect myself. So I got some good advice as well.
One thing I know, I look back at the string of bad relationships I had with men since my late teens, including my now defunct marriage, and I know that it's myself that I must grow to love and respect instead of another at this time. But an oddly sweet memory at times comes back to haunt me.
 The song above makes me think of her...she was a different sort.
Till next time....

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