I hope a thunderbolt doesn't strike me down for this entry. I accompanied my sister-n-law, brother, an all 7 of their kids to my Dad's for a post Christmas get together. My Dad and I are not close, and my brother is his favorite child. I have accepted it. I mean what does a person do? My father is 79, and it seems like he is gonna live forever. He's probably healthier than I am. And just in case something were to happen I need to see him because he is my father. I love the man I knew as a small child. Someone who took me to sporting events and as Santa getting me cars as well as dolls for Christmas in the past.
Dad worked as a metorologist for many years, doing the local weather reports on the radio as well. But he's conservative, and I know he wanted me to make him proud. But I took my own little personal detours, occasionally thinkng I was making him proud. But he was critical and hard to please, and I was always a seeking that approval.
One thing I have learned is that I have to take my own journey. If I'm going to try and please others, I'll always be miserable. My brother made it as the favored child, he's a family man who gave him grandchildren, and is a cop. An honored profession.
Oh, another thing about my father. He is proud of my brother at one time having a mistress. Her picture is in his house. Not a picture in sight of me. Sometimes I wonder if he has found out that I have been involved with women. Talk about scorn.
So I now accept that dad is who he is. At the risk of soundng like Yoda, I have by writing this, let go of my anger. More reflections to come.....